福

Seems like there's a lot of things on my mind before I fall asleep.

Lately I feel happy, and this feeling felt foreign at first but slowly I'm getting used to it and I'm kinda enjoying it.

The last time I remember this feeling was in Senior 3, everything was perfect, I had the passion to wake up everyday and finish the day thinking how perfect it would be to freeze the time in place.

However shit happens, and it sucks too. Seeing friends become distant, changes that were initially hard to adapt to but you'll get by. Doing the things that you enjoy less and less, doing the things you are tasked with doing, and if you don't learn to enjoy it your life really gets miserable.

I remember a point in last year that it was raining heavily in the middle of the night, everybody was sleeping and I had this strong urge to smoke a cigarette and drown my sorrow with a bottle of Heineken. I didn't really care if it drives people away or if it makes me die earlier, I felt lonely and unhappy and I didn't mind shaving a few years off.

Somehow I got through and things started to turn brighter.

Right now, I feel happy, it seems my frustrations are controllable and my life is filled with activities that keep my passion burning. Of course they aren't all exactly the way I planned it to be, I'm not playing music anymore but I'm falling in love with sports. I'm with a band of merry friends and those that I wish were still close to me are at a bearable distance. I'm loving a person that loves me so much. Maybe it's just cause it's the last year of my university and it seems I've adapted quite well.

If only things don't go out of control again. Perhaps it's because of my previous experience, I don't want anything to change, I don't want to have to adapt all over again, I want things to be just the way it is, even though i know it sounds absurd.

Whatever, right? getting mushy-ier so I'll leave things the way it is.

好久没写部落了噢..

之前会坚持写部落的习惯..
可是慢慢那股热情消失了..
其实不是因为没东西好写..
而是太多东西写,
不懂如何整理..

这四个月消失也没发生什么特别..
老了一岁咯~
正式能进赌场,
可是也没什么差别..
对赌任何东西的运都一向不好..

可是前个月左右看到学校有个营,
是关到不懂什么领导之类的..
学校有sponser两位学生去..
忘了是去哪个国家,
终止就是想到出国的,
又可能不用出钱,
就试下申请好了..

正要填资料报名那些时,
就看到要被录取要写个作文..
这小问题嘛..
平时写作文也只是吹水两三下写到美美交上去..
根本就是小儿科的东西..

可是..
我看到题目时..
完全想不出要写什么..
题目是:
"So far in your life, what have you done for our world?"
当然可能字不是一抹一样,
可就是这个意思..

然后我看着电脑银幕发呆了一段时间..
想出的就有一对废话..
好像..
喝饱装水拿去回收啊..
帮忙种过几棵树啊..
还有什么?
很少浪费食物..
很少乱丢垃圾..
就是一堆一般人都有做过,
没有一个值得让人欣赏或让人感到自豪的东西..

那时就想..
活了二十一岁我做了什么?
我做过什么?
然后我未来能做什么?

"人的本性是自私的.."
这句话我觉得有他的道理所在..
可是就算是为自己,
或是为身边重要的人,
或之类的..
有做过值得让人记住让人觉得厉害的..
任何有意思的东西..
可真的是少之又少..

当然我没要变成超人救这世界上每个需要救的人..
我也没要成为带来世界和平的人..
但是..

看回历史,被记载的人物都是因为他们做过的伟事..
如果一天我不在了..
我会被记得为一个做过什么的人?
当人家说起我,
他们会说我是怎样的人?

------------------------------

当我想写这篇的时候是日本刚发生地震的前一个礼拜..
然后看到那个namewee的we are nothing..
也想到很多人就是会被"世界末日“的思想被感染..
本身觉得末不末日我还是要过今天明天..
所以想了两下也没想了..
至于日本的事..
我有觉得同情他们..
也蛮难过自己什么都帮助不到..
结果还是决定延迟才打出来这片部落..
可是终于终于都写了.. =D