福

Seems like there's a lot of things on my mind before I fall asleep.

Lately I feel happy, and this feeling felt foreign at first but slowly I'm getting used to it and I'm kinda enjoying it.

The last time I remember this feeling was in Senior 3, everything was perfect, I had the passion to wake up everyday and finish the day thinking how perfect it would be to freeze the time in place.

However shit happens, and it sucks too. Seeing friends become distant, changes that were initially hard to adapt to but you'll get by. Doing the things that you enjoy less and less, doing the things you are tasked with doing, and if you don't learn to enjoy it your life really gets miserable.

I remember a point in last year that it was raining heavily in the middle of the night, everybody was sleeping and I had this strong urge to smoke a cigarette and drown my sorrow with a bottle of Heineken. I didn't really care if it drives people away or if it makes me die earlier, I felt lonely and unhappy and I didn't mind shaving a few years off.

Somehow I got through and things started to turn brighter.

Right now, I feel happy, it seems my frustrations are controllable and my life is filled with activities that keep my passion burning. Of course they aren't all exactly the way I planned it to be, I'm not playing music anymore but I'm falling in love with sports. I'm with a band of merry friends and those that I wish were still close to me are at a bearable distance. I'm loving a person that loves me so much. Maybe it's just cause it's the last year of my university and it seems I've adapted quite well.

If only things don't go out of control again. Perhaps it's because of my previous experience, I don't want anything to change, I don't want to have to adapt all over again, I want things to be just the way it is, even though i know it sounds absurd.

Whatever, right? getting mushy-ier so I'll leave things the way it is.